


Better to Have Loved and Lost

by Rubydoll



Category: Lord of the Rings - Fandom, hobbit - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-15 23:37:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubydoll/pseuds/Rubydoll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lindir speaks with Elrond after Arwen returns to Rivendell rather than leaving for the west, hoping to convince him to allow his daughter to choose a mortal life filled with love over an eternity without Aragorn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better to Have Loved and Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Now available in Chinese courtesy of Apapa! Read it here; www.mtslash.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=91873

"Forgive me, my lord Elrond."

He did not need to turn around. He could picture Lindir standing in the doorway, his head bowed but his eyes on him, without needing to look. He sighed, rubbing his temples with his thumb and fingertips. "It is late, Lindir, and you have travelled far today. You should get some rest."

There was no response. Elrond could sense that Lindir was still there and then he heard soft footsteps as he crossed the room to kneel beside his chair.

"I know that I was to guide my lady Arwen to the Grey Havens and see her safely onto the ship but-"

"No, Lindir," Elrond forced a kind smile. "Do not blame yourself for her return, you could not have stopped her once her mind was set." Gently he pressed his hand to Lindir's cheek, hoping to soothe the worry which clouded his expression.

Lindir leaned into the touch, closing his eyes briefly. But then, licking his dry lips, he looked up at Elrond once again. "It is not for that failing that I seek forgiveness, rather it is for what I am about to say. I fear I speak out of turn, but I must."

Elrond frowned but waited for him to continue. Lindir covered Elrond's hand with his own, cradling it against his face as he looked up at him anxiously.

"You know that she left with a heavy heart, for you had convinced her that there was only one path that she could take. She wore her sorrow like a mantle; one that is sodden with rain and dragging her down. Her heart was breaking and I fear that had she continued she would have been left with such a wound as would never heal."

"Lindir," Elrond warned, pulling his hand free. "I would not advise that you continue."

Lindir bowed his head. "My lord Elrond, with the greatest respect, when your wife-"

Elrond grabbed Lindir's arm as he got to his feet, pulling him with him. "Do not speak of her - this is different!"

"She bore a wound that even you could not heal!" Lindir spoke quickly, desperately. "You had to let her go. And now your daughter, she has given her heart, and if you have her leave this land and the man that she loves, you will lose her - perhaps not completely but all that she is-"

"Be silent!" Elrond shoved Lindir sharply back against the wall, his fingers no doubt leaving marks on his arm. "I let Celebrian go because I knew that one day we would be reunited. If Arwen chooses the fate of men she will be lost to me forever. She will _die_ , Lindir. After watching this man she loves fade before her and pass from this world she will succumb to bitter sorrow and despair. And she will be alone, for our time is ending and the forests will be empty of our kind. Do not speak of what you do not understand, Lindir."

Elrond released him. Lindir's eyes were wide with fear and brimming with tears. His voice trembled a little as he spoke.

"Perhaps I cannot understand the choice that belongs to the half-elven but I know the pain of being denied the one you love. And it is worse than death for it eats away at all that you are until there is nothing left but pain and anguish. You let your wife go for although you healed her body, she remained broken - and that will be Lady Arwen's fate should she remain immortal; she will be forever dying, of a hurt that you cannot heal. Please, my lord, she has already made her choice; do not make it even harder for her."

"Her choice is not yet made," Elrond murmured, turning his back on Lindir. "Not yet."

"But it is," Lindir spoke softly. "Imagine if you were never to see Lady Celebrian again. Would you not give up everything just to be the wind that flutters through her hair, or the stream at her feet? Just to be near her?"

Elrond realised Lindir was standing at his back, his lips by his ear.

"Would you not choose to die, forsake this immortal life, if it meant that you could hold her in your arms one last time? We cannot rule our hearts, we fall in love without sense or reason and sometimes it is to our doom. But there can be joy also; my lady's fate is not without hope - only the end will be bitter. Let her bear the chains of grief from his passing until hers, not forever. I doubt even the Valar could heal such a loss of that which was never known."

Turning slowly, Elrond saw the tears on Lindir's cheeks and the sight pained him. He had said that Lindir did not understand but clearly he knew well the agony of separation, the sorrows that love could bring. And his words were well-meant and wise even if Elrond could not bear to hear them. He reached up and gently wiped Lindir's face with his thumb.

"I am sorry, I have treated you cruelly."

Lindir shook his head, "No my lord, it is hardly my place to give you counsel. I would offer comfort, but I fear my words give none."

"Nevertheless you have given me much to think on," Elrond touched Lindir's arm where he had grabbed him, relieved that he had not hurt him badly, then pulled him into an embrace. Lindir seemed to release a small sob, his hands shaking as they slid across Elrond's back, his face turned to his neck. Elrond stroked his hair gently, regretting his harsh words and actions, knowing that Lindir had expected them yet still had the courage to speak his mind. Perhaps he took Lindir for granted for he was always there, always helpful and willing, kind and wise. His gentle nature was unsuited to hunting orcs so he rarely joined Elrond when he chose to patrol. But Lindir would be awaiting his return, would see that food was ready and would clean and display any trophies Elrond had claimed. He was loyal and patient and Elrond had considered no other to guide his daughter to the Grey Havens. Lindir deserved better treatment than he had recieved, and yet he tolerated all without complaint. And to think that he bore such pain as he had spoken of but chose to remain in Rivendell rather than sailing west. Elrond held him tighter for a moment then shifted to let him go. Lindir's cheeks were flushed with emotion and he stepped away with his head down.

"Would you have me perform any duty before I retire?" he sounded tired, his eyes did not meet Elrond's.

"No, get some rest," Elrond pressed a kiss to Lindir's forehead. "Thank you, my friend, for speaking to me words I did not wish to hear, but needed to be spoken."

Lindir's lips parted as he looked up at Elrond, it seemed as though he would say something, but after a pause he merely nodded and murmured, "Goodnight, my lord."

He turned and left Elrond's chambers. As he closed the door, he fell against the wall, his fist pressed to his mouth to suppress the sob that forced its way through him. Choking in a breath, he tried to regain his composure, listening in terror for any sound that would tell him someone was approaching, or worse, that Elrond had followed him. Tears seeped from his eyes but he knew he must let no one see them. Pushing his shoulders back, he wiped his face with his sleeve and calmed his expression. Once he was sure he could trust himself, he walked slowly back to his room. He would find no rest that night but he would rise early and from the shadows do his best to serve his lord Elrond. And he prayed that the lady Arwen's fate would be kinder than his own.


End file.
